Back again...

Well...it has been six months since my last post. I did not see the Boss again, although he still tries. He tells me he is obsessed with me and needs to be with me. I almost gave in. Then I asked one simple question. I asked him when the wedding is...

He told me it was last June.

I am more careful these days. I don't go on AM anymore.  I haven't been on a sex chat in months. I am growing bored.  

Forty Minutes

8:20am.  I am standing in a hotel hallway knocking on the door.  It opens and the Boss ushers me inside.  Before you roll your eyes and groan...here we go again, I ask that you save your judgement until the end of the ride.  The room is small and dark, but clean.  He has been reading his kindle and has coffee and danishes.  The kind with the raspberry jelly.  He hugs me tighter than ever before.  He lets go and sits on the end of the bed.  I sit on the chair and we talk.  About his job, my job, his crazy ex-wife, his new shared custody arrangement...we do not speak of his new fiance.   It is nice to just talk to him, but it is not the same this time.  Something isn't right.  He had to beg for months to get me here again.  He promised me and said "name the time and place and I am there."  He was really excited but I just wasn't feeling it yet.

8:30.  Small talk behind us, he stands up and puts out his hand to me.  I stand up also and he starts kissing me.  It is good.  He is a great kisser.  Still, its not the way it was and perhaps too much time and bullshit is between us now.  As I wrap my arms around him, he feels slighter now- like he is disappearing before me.  He is kissing me with urgency.

8:35.  After kissing and groping, he takes off my shirt.  He reaches around to undo my bra and can't.  We laugh because he has always struggled with that.  I undo my bra and he gets naked.  I remove my pants and we start kissing again.  It has been a long time since I have sucked his cock so I drop to my knees eagerly and begin sucking.  He is clearly enjoying it so I am careful not to let him get too close to finishing.  He sits on the edge of the bed again and reaches over and scoops up the raspberry jelly from  his danish.  he rubs it around my nipple and shoves the finger in my mouth.  I sucked it clean for him then stand in front of him with one foot up on the bed.  As he licks and sucks the jelly off he is fingering my clit and it is really good.  I am starting to feel an orgasm and he whispers "cum for me baby."  I do.  He keeps sucking my nipples and I tell him I love it.  Then he says to me "I missed you."  The tone of his voice was a mixture of sadness and desperation.  "Tell me you missed me."   "Yes, I miss you every day and I want you all the time."  "Good girl."  Then he tells me to lay down and I do.

8:50.  He is behind me trying to push his cock into my ass.  I am more than ready.  I have been waiting for this for so long.  He can't quite do it though and asks me to get on my hands and knees.  I oblige and he forgoes my ass altogether and begins to fuck me doggystyle.  I am surprised but I figure he will try again shortly.  The headboard is a mirror (sounds porno-riffic but the room was nice, not cheesy) and he says to me that my tits look great bouncing as he fucks me.  I can't look.  The phone rings and he laughs about it.  After the third ring, he stops fucking me.  I figure, he is answering the phone but no, he tells me he is done.  "I'm sorry, it was just too good."  Wow.  I am pretty sure we just set some land-speed record.  I figure he is going to clean up and maybe we will lay down and chat some more and fool around a little but he flatly tells me, "I have to go to work now."

9:00.  I cleaned up very fast.  I needed to get out of the room, out of his sight.  I wanted to keep it together in front of him.  I got into my car and looked at the clock.  You have got to be kidding me!  I drove away and started to cry.  No, I am not crying over the awkwardly bad sex.  Bad sex is annoying but nothing to cry about.  I am crying because for the first time, I saw the real boss.  He was no longer the strong, sexy, powerful take-charge man telling me what to do and fucking me on his terms.  He was an aging, frail, desperate man needing to cling to a piece of his past and trying to forget the burdens of life for a little while.  I am crying because I know I need to write about this, our very last meeting, and I am sad about the ending of our story.  Although, now that I have seen the Wizard, I can go home.

Vacation!

Ok. It's not some fabulous get away to a remote island where you can live vicariously through me and be jealous. Nope, it's an eight hour car ride to my hometown in the south. And it was just what I needed.

Girls are bitches. I get now why guys complain so much. My friend wanted all of my attention then like a switch, none of it. There was no repeat of the hot couch orgasm unfortunately. Feeling used, I needed a break. I wanted to get away from the hubby, away from her, and really far away from the boss. I went to crash in my old bedroom at the parents' house. I went out with some old high school friends and just had fun. Sex was the last thing on my mind which probably explains what happened next...

My friend called me up. We were keeping in touch on Facebook and he knows I am married and he is in a long term committed relationship. It was never sexual for us. We have been friends since we were children. He asked me to come over late and he met me in his driveway and hopped into my car. His child was home and he didn't want to have to explain to his girlfriend who I was since she was the jealous type. We talked like old times and it was fun. Then I noticed he was stroking my hair. Hmmm. Ok. I leaned a bit toward his side to look at his house and he kissed me. Ah-ha! Now I get it. What the hell. It's not every day you get to have a do-over with a high school friend.

I realized he wanted me.  I also realized he was a little shy.  I have a new car (no more stick shift in the rib cage like with the baseball coach).  I continued our mundane conversation as I dropped my armrest and cleaned out the space between our seats.  Then I leaned over and kissed him.  It was perfect.  It wasn't all teeth like my husband, or all pressure like my boss.  it was more like my friend's in that it was soft and light.  My top was moved down and he freed my very lucky left breast.  He cupped it and squeezed it gently while we kissed.  He then moved his lips down to my very erect nipple.  There is something so basic about making out in a car and I love it.  I moved his lips back up to mine and moved my hand to his bulging jeans. 

If I had known then, what I was about to know now, I would have never moved away.  He started to tell me he couldn't promise me anything.  I stopped him and told him I didn't ask for anything and this was just between us.  He unzipped and pulled down his pants to his ankles and I dove face first into his crotch.  His penis was amazing.  Long, thick, pretty.  I began to suck and his moans were letting me know I was doing a good job.  He ulled me up and kissed me again.  I asked if it was alright and he said he didn't want to finish too quickly. I smiled and dove down again but this time I sucked his balls until he begged me for more.  Then before I could finish him, he pulled me up and started undoing my jeans.  I was embarrassed to admit this but I whispered to him that I hadn't shaved.  He assured me he was cool with that and began to rub my clit. I was in an awkward position hovering over him in the car.  I had nowhere to put my hands and I had to grab his shoulders to keep from falling over.  It was intense and if I were single, I would marry him and give him all the babies he wants.  Wait, where was I?

Yes, I came. Hard. I made him stop and then I slipped his cock into my mouth again.  He was forcing it to the back of my throat.  I started to squeeze his balls while he did this and he whispered "Can I come in your mouth?"  I issued the standard "uh-huh" since my mouth was full and he filled my mouth.  He did something though that I haven't seen since the Baseball Coach-  he yelled out when he came as though it were painful.  Mercifully, he didn't cry.  We straightened ourseves out, put our clothes back on, and continued our conversation like it didn't happen.  But it did.  When we were finally ready to part he hugged me so tightly.  All I could do was say "You are a really good friend."  He looked at me and laughed then kissed me goodnight.

I had to leave the next morning for home.  We continue to chat now and then without directly mentioning it.  We are both looking forward to my next trip home.

Allow me to get this off my chest...

I need to say something before I continue. I am a good girl. Usually. I never went crazy in college. I didn't have an experimental phase. In fact, until the affair with the Boss and subsequent AM misadventures, I was only with my husband. Ever. So, the whole notion of being with a woman was never a desire. That said...

Here we were, sitting on her couch. She was pressed against me kissing me and before I could comprehend this my nipple was in her mouth. She twirled her tongue around it before sucking. She was playful at first. It was really good. I moaned a little then she put her hand up my skirt and began to rub around. She paused briefly to express surprise at my completely hairless situation. I just laughed a little. I was in no condition to form words, let alone coherent ones. She began to suck more aggressively at my nipple. She was tugging and biting as she slipped a finger inside me. It was too much to take. I came rather quickly, I am embarrassed to say. She slipped her finger out, licked it, and said to me "let's do this again soon."

Contrary to whatever opinion you all may have formed about me, I am not an overtly sexual person. I don't flirt a lot. I dress conservatively and I have to really know someone before I discuss anything sexual. That is why this whole encounter was so out of left field for me. I am trying to analyze the events of the day to figure it out.

And yes, we are meeting again soon. After all, it's my turn to play!

An interesting twist...

It has been an interesting couple of weeks.  The Boss tried to lure me back.  Insisted he still wanted me.  I stood my ground and denied him.  As I was venting to my friend, I told her everything.  I figured she might think I was terrible for the affair or terrible for continuing it for so long.  She was not repulsed by my confessions.  In fact she moved closer to me and put her arm around me.

I continued to go on and on and I guess that's why I didn't notice her hand on my knee.  Or notice when she leaned in closer.  However, when her hand started to slide up my thigh I noticed. 

What was this???  I have known her for some time.  I guess I didn't know her as well as I thought.  Honestly, I have appreciated the beauty of woman but I never considered being with one.  This was shocking to me and I stopped mid-sentence as I lost my train of thought.

She put her hand under my chin and lifted my face toward hers. Then, before I had a chance to wrap my head around this situation, her lips were pressed against mine and her hand was slowly moving down my blouse and ever so gently squeezing.   This was amazingly good.  I didn't protest. I didn't want this to stop.  I couldn't remember who or what I was complaining about...I just knew I wanted this to continue and it did.  She stopped kissing my my mouth and started to work on my exposed nipple.  I wish I could tell you how I slowly undressed for her but I have no clue how my shirt was opened.  This was such a blur.  I was loving every sweet minute of it and thinking back on it now, I am started to get turned on again. 

This was the craziest, most intense, and most surprising thing I have ever done...and I will tell you all about it...next time. 

Hello Old Friend....

When I last posted I was giving serious thought to delving into a fetish or two.  In the end, the man leading me down that path spooked me just enough to back off.  I re-evaluated what I have been doing.  I stopped my AM account and decided to be a good girl again.  That lasted at least a few days...

Sure enough, just as I had become resolved to behaving like a proper lady, The Boss reappeared.  He was still living with his new girlfriend.  Even though he had brushed me off and I had sworn I wouldn't talk to him anymore, he was begging to see me.  He told me he thought of me every day and I was his addiction.  He begged me to give myself to him again and I balked. 

The pressure from him was getting intense.  He had an out-of-town work thing and begged me to come.  As tempted as I was, I stuck to my guns and declined.  He stopped texting me.  I reached out to him and he brushed me off.  A few days later I was at work checking facebook like everyone else does when I noticed he changed his profile status to engaged.  It felt like a punch to my gut.  Every lie about how much he needed me and wanted me rushed into my mind.  Why the fuck wasn't I good enough???

He posted her picture.

 My jaw dropped.  This woman, whose name I don't even know, could be my sister.  He replaced me with a look-a-like.  I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry.  Without saying a word, I showed her picture to my friend and she asked if she was related to me.  I felt like I was slapped in the face.

Last night, I got a text from him.  He wanted to stop by.  "I thought you were behaving?" I asked.  "I only misbehave with you." He replied.  "Won't she give you a proper bj?"  "She tries."  I wish I had told him to fuck off. I wish I had told him to forget I exist since he replaced me in every sense.  Instead, I told him no thanks, tonight is not good.

I cannot put this mindfuck of a friendship to rest for good, but I am done.

Down the Rabbit Hole...

I am interrupting the tale of Mr. Rogers for my current escapade. Trust me, you aren't missing a thing.

I am a normal woman.  I have a normal marriage.  I had a normal affair.  I had normal AM experiences.  I like normal.  I have never given much thought to fetishes.  I am aware of them and I have a live and let live attitude when it comes to them.  I never expected to become a part of a fetish scene.

I was on my usual chat site and was having a decent sex chat with a stranger when he kept steering the topic toward his particular kink.  I didn't mind and the act itself wasn't as repulsive to me as some fetishes.  I played along and the more we got into it, the more I liked it.  But it was all talk, right?

I found myself thinking about it all the next day.  I pleasured myself to images of it and sought out groups of like-minded people.  God bless the internetsss.  Then it happened.  I found a post from a man in a nearby town with this particular fetish and a desire to meet someone local.  I couldn't help myself.

We exchanged emails.  Chatted.  Talked on the phone.  The usual questions have been asked and the usual steps taken.  We are meeting later this week and there is no pretense.  We are getting right down to it and taking care of business. 

I have never been into BDSM, or any of the extreme fetishes before when it comes to sexual play but the anticipation of what I am about to do has me floating.  There is the excitement of the new "friend" and the act itself.  There is the fear that if people find out they will never look at me quite the same.  There is a little trepidation that this might only be the beginning for me.  if I can do this, what else will I do?

I probably shouldn't open this door but I just can't help myself....

A New Hope...

Alright.  You have to forgive the cheesy Star Wars reference in the title but I just spent my weekend rewatching all six of the movies and my inner nerd couldn't help itself.  I think it is time to introduce you to someone I will call Mr. Rogers.

Mr. Rogers and I met after he contacted me on AM.  After the usual "getting to know you" dance through texts, emails, and calls, he asked me to meet him.  I told him which town I live in and was shocked when he gave me his address.  He is  approximately ten minutes from my home.  Howdy neighbor.  Will this end horribly???  Well, you will just have to wait and see...

I only had thirty minutes to escape.  He asked me to come over to his house and although I felt very nervous about that, I agreed.  I followed his directions and soon was knocking on the door of a perfectly nice house in a perfectly nice neighborhood.  Mr. Rogers answered the door and thankfully he looked like his picture.  I stepped inside and he closed the door.  I laughed about how nervous I was to meet him. He then pulled me in close and kissed me very deeply.  I felt it down to my toes.  It was very good and yet things were happening so fast I couldn't think. 

He removed my pants and asked me if I wanted to sit on his couch.  As we walked the four steps he effortlessly lost his pants and as I sat down he was all over me.  Kissing me, lifting my blouse and sucking my nipples, rubbing my clit with his hand.  The next thing I knew he was licking and sucking my clit while his finger slipped inside me preparing me for his cock. It was hard to relax and let go but he felt so good.  He was heavier than his profile and although his weight is not a problem for me, he was on top of me and I knew if things went bad, I was in trouble.  He slipped his hard dick inside me and  was  thrusting deeper and deeper until we both came.  I knew I was past my thirty minutes and I had to get out of there.  I cleaned myself up and as I was leaving he grabbed my arm and told me next time we would talk before we fucked so I wouldn't be so nervous.

I broke every rule I have for myself.  He is practically a neighbor, I fucked him on his living room sofa with pictures of his wife and kids staring at me, and I barely know him.
This is probably another bad idea but I was always taught to be kind to the neighbors.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

Turkey, football, family.  I love the fall holidays.

I can beg the Husband.  I can plead.  He will refuse.  Unless, of course, we have an overnight guest.  For whatever reason, the Husband gets aroused and playful when we are surrounded by friends or family.  For example...

Thanksgiving.

Parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews crowded my tiny house and sacked out anywhere they could find a spot.  As we settled in to bed he whispers into my ear... "I want your ass."  Great.  He not only wants sex, he wants anal sex.  He will not wait for everyone to go to sleep.  He tells me to be a nice quiet girl.  He slips my pants and underwear down in one quick motion.  He rolls me over onto my stomach and I hear the lube being squirted onto his hand.  The cold slick lube makes me gasp and he uses his fingers to prepare me.  He is anxious to begin and he quickly slides his very hard cock into my ass.  I want to moan from pleasure but I am afraid one of the twenty guests will hear me. 

It becomes a game.  He knows I have extremely intense orgasms from this type of play and my audible expression of pleasure is usually beyond my control.  He is thrusting into me harder and deeper trying to make me yell out.  I bury my face into the pillow and everytime I want to cry out I think about that oh-so awkward breakfast talk awaiting me if I do. 

He finally finishes and we hit the shower.  I don't know why company makes him so playful but it is another reason I love the holidays.  Bring on the Christmas guests!

Idle hands...

So I get a day to myself. Completely alone. Should I rake up the leaves in my yard? Nope. Clean up the house for the upcoming crush of holiday guests. No, that can wait. Maybe I should sit down and figure out a solution to the country's financial woes? No, I have a better idea. I am going to spend the entire day in bed with my vibrator.
Bisous! Are you sure you are up to the challenge? Well, there is only one way to know...

As soon as the house empties, I lock the doors, strip down naked, and grab my trusted friend. I am shocked at how quickly I came the first time. Within ten minutes of my adventure I was having a lovely intense orgasm. Today is going to be a great day.

I continued on. Bringing myself to orgasm over and over and over. I would pause only to catch my breath then begin again. Each time was just as good as the time before but I was taking longer and longer to get there.

Finally, after three hours of my self-indulgence I decided to change it up. I logged into my favorite adult chat site and within 2 minutes I had messages from ten men. One of them caught my eye... It couldn't be, could it?

It was the pilot! I ignored him at first. Surely he remembered my screen name, right? Nope. He was using all of he same lines on me. I was amused but this was mean. I had to stop him...

I know who you are [real name].

He logged off instantly and I gave myself the best, most intense, toe-curling, scream out loud orgasm of the day.

It is good to have a day off.

Baby did a bad bad thing

I did a bad bad thing. I am not a tease.  I don't play games.  If I am taking the time to get to know a new friend and I back off suddenly, it is because he did something to send me running for the hills.  I want to give my friends every benefit of the doubt and sometimes that might make me seem like a pushover. I believe the Boss thinks that is true.  That said...

The Boss has been contacting me again lately.  At first, I thought I should ignore him.  Then I got an idea.  An awful idea.  This grinch got a wonderful, awful idea.  I began to chat with the Boss but only on mundane topics.  Whenever he would try to subtly steer the conversation toward anything remotely sexual, I would steer it back.  I know him and I know this was driving him crazy.

This little game of mine was getting to be fun.  I would drop little hints that I was ready for him to fuck me.  Then I would shut him down. 

He began to get desperate.  Telling me all of the mushy things I should want to hear.  He misses me.  He needs me.  He wants me.  Tell me more, because I am only getting started with you.

That's right.  You had me hanging on every word for years.  Making me want you.  Making me do things with you and to you that went against every instinct I had.  Making me hate myself because I wanted you so much and you couldn't make time for me.  Making me doubt who I am.

What's that?  You think about me all the time?  Really.  I think about you too and it crushes me that you can't make time for me.  Then he said this to me:

I will come every time you ask.

You fucking liar.  I couldn't say anything.  I was so afraid I would scream if I tried to speak.  How many times did he "forget" me when we had plans?  Too many to write about. I couldn't believe this.  I thought of a million responses to that statement.  I don't want to argue with him though, I want him to feel what I feel.  I want him to want me and feel the sting of rejection.

He tells me he can be at my house in an hour.  He knows I am alone all day today and I am so tempted to tell him to come over.  Thoughts of kissing him deeply while his hands feel me all over are filling my mind and almost derail my efforts.

 I tell him no.  I almost never tell him no.

He says he understands if I can't and goes silent.  I know he is mad.  Finally, the man I have chatting with for hours and who just told me he could be here in no time at all, suddenly must go take care of some pressing matter at work.  I love knowing that he is mad. I am not proud of this game.  I prefer to be direct and tell someone to fuck off when they have screwed me over but this experience has been just what I needed.  He will call again and I might give in eventually, but in this moment...

I win.

Cravings.

I am lying in bed next to the husband.  I touch his arm lightly.  I play with his hair.  I run my fingertips over his body.  I kiss his shoulder and chest lightly as my fingers find their way under his waistband and find their familiar plaything.  As I begin to play, he sighs and says those three little words so commonly spoken to me over the last fifteen years...

go to sleep

The Battle of Who Could Care Less

           Do you not hear me anymore?
           I know it's not your thing to care
           I know it's cool to be so bored       
          It sucks me in when you're aloof
          It sucks me in, it sucks it works
          I guess it's cool to be alone.
         

Ben is singing to me today. 

I am having a bit of a pity party. I just read Ms. I's beautiful a lifeguard chair, a glass of wine.  I want that.  I thought the Boss and I could have it.  We have been friends for a very long time. The Boss was going to get a room for us and we were going to spend the day playing.  I wait for him.  8am, 9am, 10am, 11am.  No word from the Boss.  I know what this means.  If he were a casual AM friend, I would shrug it off and not care but this his game. 

I text him.  Oops.  He worked late last night and forgot.  Shoot. He was really looking forward to it. 

I pretend it is okay, but it is not. He neglects me because he knows he can.  He has before.  He ignores me and then uses me when it suits him and I allow it.   Disappointment and regret have no place in an affair and therefore, it is time to move on from the Boss.  After many many years, it is time to call an end to this battle.

If at First You Don't Succeed...

The last time I had sex with the Boss was the first time I attempted anal with him.  I use the term "attempted" because like most of my sexual escapades, it was doomed from the start.  I had yet to be convinced that I would enjoy that particular sexual act so it was strictly forbidden.  However, I had been more and more receptive to the idea in the months leading up to this encounter.  The Boss and I discussed it and he was trying to hide his excitement as he played it off like it was no big deal.  Imagine my shock when I arrived at his apartment to find...nothing.  Well, very little.  He shrugged off my questions and said  he was giving his furniture to his son but I knew he was lying.  You don't give your son the pictures off your wall and even if you do give him your bed, you don't give him your sheets and blankets, too.  My mind was racing.  Why lie to me?  Why not admit he was moving?  Then it hit me...he was moving in with a woman.  Rather than tell me the truth and risk my rejection, he lied to me so I would have sex with him one last time.

I should have left him there with his hard-on and empty walls.  I wish I could say I told him to fuck off and that was the end of us, but you already know that isn't true.  I let him lead me upstairs to his empty room and lay me down on the outstretched blanket on his floor.  If I had not let him kiss me, I may have just left but if you read my last post you are aware that we have this crazy physical attraction.  Once he kisses me, it is over.  The next thing I knew I was on all fours and he was behind me trying his best to slowly but boldly go where no man had gone before.  My mind was racing still.  I couldn't stop thinking about the lie.  He knows I know he fucks other women.  I have only mentioned it once and that was only to ask if he uses protection with them every time.  He knows I am not jealous or spiteful.  Why lie TO ME? 

I could not relax.  Gentlemen, in case you don't know, anal sex is quite impossible, especially if it is her first time, if she is not relaxed. Even if you forge ahead, it will NOT be enjoyable.  He barely touched me with the tip when I made him stop.  The disappointment on his face was obvious.  He managed to pull himself together and fuck me anyway despite his great loss (yes, that's sarcasm).  He rushed me out the door and I felt so sick to my stomach.  I knew it was coming and then...

The phone chirped.  He sent me a text letting me know that we had just had our last fuck.  I knew in my heart he would be back (I was right) but I took the opportunity to vent (just a little) and let him know that I didn't appreciate being lied to and he should never contact me again.  I meant it at the time.  I just knew he would contact me again and boy was I going to tell him a few things...

Six months later I get a message from him.  He wants to chat (fuck me) and wants to know if I am mad.  I should have ignored him.  I answered back that I was hurt not mad and we began to flirt and banter like nothing happened.  In fact, although he has confirmed he is living with someone new, we have never discussed it.  I feel it is none of my business.

I did get a little satisfaction in telling him that since our last encounter, I have not only had anal sex, I enjoy it.   He has told me that it is unfair that someone else was first and he has thought about my ass every day since that attempt in his apartment.  I have enjoyed teasing him.  I have been teasing him now for a couple of months but I am a girl who likes to fuck so...

A scary story...

My phone chirps.  At first, I don't pay attention because all of my settings are set to sound the same.  It could be email or a facebook notification.  But it isn't.  I look down casually at my phone and see the following message...

"Tomorrow I sign my divorce decree."

It is the Boss.  It has been awhile since I have heard from him and instantly I feel my heart start to race.  I am beyond excited for him.

I worked for the Boss for a year before I met his wife.  I had heard stories about her from the other men at work.  If you think men don't gossip at work, you are mistaken.  She was insanely jealous and cruel.  She had a very suspect background (including some jail time) and honestly, I wanted no part of her.  I avoided talking about anything non-work related to him for a very long time.  There were examples of her irrational behavior over the years.  She pouted during a company party claiming he was flirting with another man's wife when he never even spoke with her.  He received calls from her at least five times a day.  It was strange behavior to me.  Then...

She cheated.

She left him and their children and moved in with someone else.  It was at this time, I became a friend to the boss.  I became a shoulder to cry on and a sounding board for his frustration.  I felt myself developing a crush on him and I am fairly certain he felt the same but we never acted on it.  Yet.

After months of this he took her back.  Everyone told him he was crazy.  His mother stopped speaking to him. His business partner told him it was a mistake.  I was crushed, but I was supportive.  I admit, I was beginning to have all of the silly fantasies that he would run off with me and we would live happily ever after...  I knew it was silly but still, when he took her back and forgave her, it made me like him more. What a great guy! (I know, it makes no sense) Then it happened.  He told me he wanted an affair with me.  He was blunt, honest, and let me know that it was just sex and no long term relationship.  And so it began...


"I hope you will celebrate with me."

I know what that means. He knows I will.  You see, there is a crazy physical attraction between us.  We laugh about it but it is true.   After the company  sold, we met a few more times then it happened.  His wife looked at the phone bill.  There were hundreds of texts between us.  My number appeared over and over and she knew.  She took the print out straight to my husband.  At work.  I was sick to my stomach and I knew my life was coming to an end.  It didn't.  By this time, my husband had heard all of the stories about her behavior as well.  She started sending me texts saying things like "You can have him, he is your's now."
I denied everything.  She had no real proof, she only knew we liked to text.  It was too late though.  She was certain and they were over.  I was terrified she would show up at my new job or my house.  I was so thankful we don't live in the same town.  I changed my number, fixed things at home, and stopped talking to the Boss.  For a little while anyway.

I tell him to enjoy the moment and he tells me "I will but not as much as I enjoy you."  I know this statement is true because I am a sure thing for him.  No need for flattery with me anymore.  It comes from him so sparingly that I am always taken by surprise when I hear it.  It is usually about how much he wants me or needs me.   

I could have handled things so much better. There are many mistakes we both made along the way and many opportunities to learn from my first affair. The Boss has taught me many things...trust my instincts, keep my emotions out of my affairs, and the most important being... never underestimate a crazy wife.
 

Feeling Funky

I apologize to my five readers.  :)  The following post is a little self indulgent and probably whiny. I am not sure what has brought about my change in mood lately.

 The fall is my favorite time of year.  I love the cooling air, the smell of leaves that have turned and fallen, the thought that a long winter is just around the corner.  I love it all.  It is also a busy time of year for me.  Parties, birthdays, and holidays compete for my attention and I rarely turn down an invitation. Keeping busy is keeping me from getting busy.
 
Although, there is not a lot to tell lately.  Don turned out to be a disappointment.  We set a time to meet and he cancelled.  We continued to chat but I noticed he was only available to me late at night and I started to slowly realize that we were probably never going to meet.  I think he is afraid to take that next step and that is fine, but I don't have the time to wait on him to get there.

The boss has not called or come around in awhile.  We are very hands-off these days and I am getting used to that dynamic between us.  I am here when he needs me and if I ever need him, I know he would come.

Then I started thinking...always dangerous, I admit, that perhaps, I should take a break from AM.  A break from the whole other life for awhile.  I am feeling lucky at this moment.  Lucky that I haven't been caught and lucky that I haven't hooked up with a creep who stalks me.  Just lucky.  Perhaps I should just stop and be happy with what I have. 

That's just it.  I am happy with what I have and that is why I have this whole other secret life.   So if it isn't happiness I am after, what is it?  Yes, a nice break from AM while I focus on me for awhile.

Hey, is that a new email in my AM box???

There is no crying in baseball...

The coach was going to be a fun diversion for me. He is a teacher and baseball coach. We had a lot to talk about. He was interesting and funny over email and texting so I agreed to meet with him. He wanted to meet after a game at a nearby bar and have a few drinks. I had very little time to meet so he suggested a hotel parking lot near the bar. I pulled in and he was waiting. He came over and got into my tiny 2 door car. He was in my usual early 40s range and he was attractive. He was also still in his baseball gear. Very hot. He asked if I had met anyone else this way. I gave him the usual...no, of course not. Maybe once. He starts kissing me and touches my breast. "Are these real?" he asks. I start to laugh. Yes, I have never been asked that before and I find it a little flattering. He bends over and awkwardly begins to suck my nipple. I reach down and feel his hardness. He pulls himself out and I gasp a little. He is not as long as the Pornstar but he has the widest cock I have ever seen. I am uncertain I can get mouth around it. Wow. I bend over the gearshift and start to suck him. It is uncomfortable to say the least. He is stretching my jaw to it's limit and while the gearshift is poking my rib cage he is pinching the hell out of my nipple. It hurts a lot. I have to mostly suck the tip and jerk him with my hand because his dick is just insane. He cums rather easily to my relief and then tells me not to touch him anymore. He gathers himself together and begins to sniffle. Wait, what? Are you crying? WTF? He tells me he always feels guilty after he cheats and he wishes he didn't. Wow. Alright then. He asks me if I feel guilty. I fight the urge to giggle as I tell him , "no, not really." he leaves my car and thanks me. I have a wicked bruise on my nipple. He texts me the next day to let me know that his "uncle" is sick and he will be gone for a few weeks. I get it. He actually contacted me a few times afterward to hook up again but the crying was too much. I have enough to think about without someone crying all over me. Why can't I find a nice normal regular hook-up?

The Boss kissed me very deeply and moved me toward the door.  He opened the door and continued kissing me as his hands wandered. He felt under my skirt and discovered that I had followed his directions and skipped the panties.  "Good girl."  He told me to get on the edge of the bed on my knees.  I listened like I always do.  He began to fuck me and as I relaxed and let myself go, I grabbed the comforter on the bed and squeezed it in my hands.  That bed was not in a hotel somewhere, it was in my
house.  My bed. My marital bed.

It has only happened one time and yet it is the one regret I have about my secret life.  I could always fool myself into thinking that while I might be a whore out there...in my house, I am still pure.  I am my husband's alone. If I could change anything about the things I have done, I would change that.  Four years later, I still think about it and it is the only guilt I carry with me.

 I almost think that The Boss knew I would feel that and fucked me here for spite.  Silly, of course.    Four years later he still wants to come over and fuck me on my bed.  He tells me that there is something about taking me in my house that turns him on.  The idea that he is fucking the woman of a much younger man on his own turf excites The Boss.  I have allowed him back twice.  Once, he came around to the back of my house and I sucked him hidden by the trees.  Another time, much more recently, he came by and I let him in the door.  He kissed me in the kitchen, the hall...I guided him to the living room and had him sit on the couch.  I allowed him to kiss me and rather than have him lead me to the bedroom, I took matters into my own hands...okay, it was my mouth.  It did the trick and distracted him from his intended goal.  He wanted my bed again but this whore  has her limits. 

Not with a bang, but a whimper...

Sometimes AM friends have such potential.  You chat and become friendly.  You meet and sparks fly.  You have amazing, breathtaking, passionate sex.  Then...he ruins it.  Sometimes it is with spectacularly bad writing such as "secret silky smile" but sometimes, the man ruins it by assuming too much.

Do you remember Mr. Flowers?  He is a man I met to help me get over my rejection from the Pilot.  He met me with flowers in hand and could not stop complimenting me.  It was quite overwhelming and the sex was pretty good.  I thought to myself, he could be a long term friend.  I thought wrong. 

Mr. Flowers wrote a very impressive profile.  He mentioned his desire to please a woman for hours and hours.  He talked about his interest in the Kama Sutra and if nothing else, I figured he could teach me something new.  When we met, he spoke about his desires to me and I was certainly on board.  When we had sex it was good.  It was really good.  But it was pretty tame and not the show he promised.  No worries, I am a stranger.  Next time will be better. 

Sigh.  Next time.  We met at the seediest motel I have ever seen.  I should have run.  He started off the same way.  He stripped naked while I undressed myself then he asked me for a blow job.  I obliged.  I asked for reciprocity.  He either ignored me or pretended he didn't hear me. Hmmm.  We had sex. We clean up. We lay down. As we are laying there in silence, he starts to touch my breasts and pinch my nipples.  I am getting aroused by this and he asks me to suck him again.  Umm, you were just getting started with me but ok.  I am a generous girl.  I go down and play around with my tongue.  Everything he asks of me I do.  I figure the time is right to ask him again.  Hello...I remember you mentioning something about giving me oral for four hours....just a fraction of that time will work for me...no???  Alright, then.  Maybe later?    Look buddy, if you don't like to give, you shouldn't make promises. 

I was on the fence about seeing him again as I got dressed but I thought, maybe this was just an off day...then the weirdness began.  First, he asked me to log into AM on my phone so he could see what his profile looks like.  Sure.  I do that and as he is looking over my shoulder (NOBODY TOUCHES MY PHONE) he tells me to click the boxes at the bottom to give him a positive review.  WTF???  Really???  I skipped over one and he told me to go back and click it.  Buddy, your window to my pussy is slowly closing.

Then he slams that window shut.  "I need to ask you a favor."  Sure.  Just don't ask me for a loan.  "I really want to have a threesome and I am hoping you know a woman, a friend, who would want to join us."  Really???  On the second fuck date you ask me this?  You couldn't pleasure me alone.  There is no way I am having a threesome with Captain Uninspired. 

Guys, we really want to fuck you or we wouldn't be on these sites.  Stop making it impossible for us.

Sabotage...

I have a new friend.  I will refer to him as Don.  He is a CEO of a local company and he messaged me recently.  His message was interesting and after a couple of AM exchanges, we moved the conversation to email.  Soon, we were chatting on Yahoo.  He is intelligent and funny.  He swears this is his first time on AM and I pretend to believe him.  He gets my strange and sometimes dry sense of humor and tells me that I am one of the few people who can make him laugh.  Things are going well.

We plan to meet in a week.  This is bad... a week is too long.  A week gives time for all of my self-doubt and fear to creep in.  Not fear that he will be nuts or I will get caught, but fear that it will be another "Pilot" situation.  No, I do not think that I will have another date ruined by my cycle, but I have a real fear of rejection.  A fear that no matter what he says to me, the reality will be a disappointment. 

He asks me for another picture.  I try to take one. Honest.  I am having a bad day and the fear is settling down for a long stay in my head.  Nothing looks good.  I try and try.  I get frustrated.  I cry.  I decide, I can't do this.  I can't handle rejection again so soon.  I need to end this with him now.

We chat and I explain my fear to him.  I tell him that I am afraid I will not measure up to the women he envisions in his head. 

Then, before I can sabotage myself, he says one sentence that changes everything for me.  One sentence that simultaneously lets me laugh at myself and realize I am being silly while realizing he is being as honest as he ever will with me.

"Not measure up?  No way, I am looking for pussy."

I laugh because I know he was trying to lighten the mood and remind me why we found each other.  But there it is...the moment of honesty that suggests anyone can fill this spot for him and there is nothing special about me.

Not sure how long this will last so I will crank up the Beastie Boys, relax, and enjoy the ride.