Here Goes Everything...

I have been thinking about beginning this blog for some time.  There are a million reasons why I shouldn't do it... why tell strangers about my infidelities, desires, rejections, and humilitations? What if my husband finds out?  Yet, here I am.  Anticipation is the reason I keep doing it.   I will never leave my husband and I never want him to know about this other me, but when I feel the anticipation of a new lover, I am a better wife in many ways.

I decided to join Ashley Madison this summer after reading Riff Dog's many exploits. Still not sure if I should thank him or curse him...  Anyway, after a few bad experiences that I may someday share when my anger and humiliation begin to fade,  I was messing around on an adult chat site thinking it would be more anonymous and less likely to lead to "trouble."  Then I met him.  You know the one ladies...everything about him was right.  He was articulate, mature but not too old, and knew exactly what he wanted.  He had me from the minute we agreed to chat.  We discussed everything and nothing was off limits.  He talked about meeting me and since I was half a country away I figured I was safe.  Then came the bombshell...my super hot chat friend was a pilot.  (Yeah, sure he is...) He gave me proof.
The date was set and we were going to meet and fuck like two sex starved maniacs.  It was all we discussed for months.  Every conversation delved into the ways we were going to devour each other.  Every conversation building and building our desire to be consumed by each other.  We talked on the phone when we could get away with it (did I mention he had a French accent too?)  I was so addicted to this stranger.  He was the first and last person I chatted with on a daily basis.  My dreams were overrun with thoughts of my hot French-speaking pilot.  There were no expectations beyond the one day.  In fact, we specifically and repeatedly reminded each other that this was just a fun, one-time fuck-a-palooza.  And every day the anticipation of communicating with my sweet pilot was an all-consuming obsession.

 Maybe the anticipation of our meeting was dooming it from the start.  Maybe, if he had not written to me so sweetly and  did not really get to know me as a person.  Maybe, if things had turned out better, I wouldn't be mourning him like a friend or relation lost to me forever but here I am going down on another stranger and wishing it was my pilot.  My super sweet pilot who will not write to me anymore.

 Anticipation is the drug that keeps me coming back for more.