Down the Rabbit Hole...

I am interrupting the tale of Mr. Rogers for my current escapade. Trust me, you aren't missing a thing.

I am a normal woman.  I have a normal marriage.  I had a normal affair.  I had normal AM experiences.  I like normal.  I have never given much thought to fetishes.  I am aware of them and I have a live and let live attitude when it comes to them.  I never expected to become a part of a fetish scene.

I was on my usual chat site and was having a decent sex chat with a stranger when he kept steering the topic toward his particular kink.  I didn't mind and the act itself wasn't as repulsive to me as some fetishes.  I played along and the more we got into it, the more I liked it.  But it was all talk, right?

I found myself thinking about it all the next day.  I pleasured myself to images of it and sought out groups of like-minded people.  God bless the internetsss.  Then it happened.  I found a post from a man in a nearby town with this particular fetish and a desire to meet someone local.  I couldn't help myself.

We exchanged emails.  Chatted.  Talked on the phone.  The usual questions have been asked and the usual steps taken.  We are meeting later this week and there is no pretense.  We are getting right down to it and taking care of business. 

I have never been into BDSM, or any of the extreme fetishes before when it comes to sexual play but the anticipation of what I am about to do has me floating.  There is the excitement of the new "friend" and the act itself.  There is the fear that if people find out they will never look at me quite the same.  There is a little trepidation that this might only be the beginning for me.  if I can do this, what else will I do?

I probably shouldn't open this door but I just can't help myself....

A New Hope...

Alright.  You have to forgive the cheesy Star Wars reference in the title but I just spent my weekend rewatching all six of the movies and my inner nerd couldn't help itself.  I think it is time to introduce you to someone I will call Mr. Rogers.

Mr. Rogers and I met after he contacted me on AM.  After the usual "getting to know you" dance through texts, emails, and calls, he asked me to meet him.  I told him which town I live in and was shocked when he gave me his address.  He is  approximately ten minutes from my home.  Howdy neighbor.  Will this end horribly???  Well, you will just have to wait and see...

I only had thirty minutes to escape.  He asked me to come over to his house and although I felt very nervous about that, I agreed.  I followed his directions and soon was knocking on the door of a perfectly nice house in a perfectly nice neighborhood.  Mr. Rogers answered the door and thankfully he looked like his picture.  I stepped inside and he closed the door.  I laughed about how nervous I was to meet him. He then pulled me in close and kissed me very deeply.  I felt it down to my toes.  It was very good and yet things were happening so fast I couldn't think. 

He removed my pants and asked me if I wanted to sit on his couch.  As we walked the four steps he effortlessly lost his pants and as I sat down he was all over me.  Kissing me, lifting my blouse and sucking my nipples, rubbing my clit with his hand.  The next thing I knew he was licking and sucking my clit while his finger slipped inside me preparing me for his cock. It was hard to relax and let go but he felt so good.  He was heavier than his profile and although his weight is not a problem for me, he was on top of me and I knew if things went bad, I was in trouble.  He slipped his hard dick inside me and  was  thrusting deeper and deeper until we both came.  I knew I was past my thirty minutes and I had to get out of there.  I cleaned myself up and as I was leaving he grabbed my arm and told me next time we would talk before we fucked so I wouldn't be so nervous.

I broke every rule I have for myself.  He is practically a neighbor, I fucked him on his living room sofa with pictures of his wife and kids staring at me, and I barely know him.
This is probably another bad idea but I was always taught to be kind to the neighbors.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

Turkey, football, family.  I love the fall holidays.

I can beg the Husband.  I can plead.  He will refuse.  Unless, of course, we have an overnight guest.  For whatever reason, the Husband gets aroused and playful when we are surrounded by friends or family.  For example...

Thanksgiving.

Parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews crowded my tiny house and sacked out anywhere they could find a spot.  As we settled in to bed he whispers into my ear... "I want your ass."  Great.  He not only wants sex, he wants anal sex.  He will not wait for everyone to go to sleep.  He tells me to be a nice quiet girl.  He slips my pants and underwear down in one quick motion.  He rolls me over onto my stomach and I hear the lube being squirted onto his hand.  The cold slick lube makes me gasp and he uses his fingers to prepare me.  He is anxious to begin and he quickly slides his very hard cock into my ass.  I want to moan from pleasure but I am afraid one of the twenty guests will hear me. 

It becomes a game.  He knows I have extremely intense orgasms from this type of play and my audible expression of pleasure is usually beyond my control.  He is thrusting into me harder and deeper trying to make me yell out.  I bury my face into the pillow and everytime I want to cry out I think about that oh-so awkward breakfast talk awaiting me if I do. 

He finally finishes and we hit the shower.  I don't know why company makes him so playful but it is another reason I love the holidays.  Bring on the Christmas guests!

Idle hands...

So I get a day to myself. Completely alone. Should I rake up the leaves in my yard? Nope. Clean up the house for the upcoming crush of holiday guests. No, that can wait. Maybe I should sit down and figure out a solution to the country's financial woes? No, I have a better idea. I am going to spend the entire day in bed with my vibrator.
Bisous! Are you sure you are up to the challenge? Well, there is only one way to know...

As soon as the house empties, I lock the doors, strip down naked, and grab my trusted friend. I am shocked at how quickly I came the first time. Within ten minutes of my adventure I was having a lovely intense orgasm. Today is going to be a great day.

I continued on. Bringing myself to orgasm over and over and over. I would pause only to catch my breath then begin again. Each time was just as good as the time before but I was taking longer and longer to get there.

Finally, after three hours of my self-indulgence I decided to change it up. I logged into my favorite adult chat site and within 2 minutes I had messages from ten men. One of them caught my eye... It couldn't be, could it?

It was the pilot! I ignored him at first. Surely he remembered my screen name, right? Nope. He was using all of he same lines on me. I was amused but this was mean. I had to stop him...

I know who you are [real name].

He logged off instantly and I gave myself the best, most intense, toe-curling, scream out loud orgasm of the day.

It is good to have a day off.

Baby did a bad bad thing

I did a bad bad thing. I am not a tease.  I don't play games.  If I am taking the time to get to know a new friend and I back off suddenly, it is because he did something to send me running for the hills.  I want to give my friends every benefit of the doubt and sometimes that might make me seem like a pushover. I believe the Boss thinks that is true.  That said...

The Boss has been contacting me again lately.  At first, I thought I should ignore him.  Then I got an idea.  An awful idea.  This grinch got a wonderful, awful idea.  I began to chat with the Boss but only on mundane topics.  Whenever he would try to subtly steer the conversation toward anything remotely sexual, I would steer it back.  I know him and I know this was driving him crazy.

This little game of mine was getting to be fun.  I would drop little hints that I was ready for him to fuck me.  Then I would shut him down. 

He began to get desperate.  Telling me all of the mushy things I should want to hear.  He misses me.  He needs me.  He wants me.  Tell me more, because I am only getting started with you.

That's right.  You had me hanging on every word for years.  Making me want you.  Making me do things with you and to you that went against every instinct I had.  Making me hate myself because I wanted you so much and you couldn't make time for me.  Making me doubt who I am.

What's that?  You think about me all the time?  Really.  I think about you too and it crushes me that you can't make time for me.  Then he said this to me:

I will come every time you ask.

You fucking liar.  I couldn't say anything.  I was so afraid I would scream if I tried to speak.  How many times did he "forget" me when we had plans?  Too many to write about. I couldn't believe this.  I thought of a million responses to that statement.  I don't want to argue with him though, I want him to feel what I feel.  I want him to want me and feel the sting of rejection.

He tells me he can be at my house in an hour.  He knows I am alone all day today and I am so tempted to tell him to come over.  Thoughts of kissing him deeply while his hands feel me all over are filling my mind and almost derail my efforts.

 I tell him no.  I almost never tell him no.

He says he understands if I can't and goes silent.  I know he is mad.  Finally, the man I have chatting with for hours and who just told me he could be here in no time at all, suddenly must go take care of some pressing matter at work.  I love knowing that he is mad. I am not proud of this game.  I prefer to be direct and tell someone to fuck off when they have screwed me over but this experience has been just what I needed.  He will call again and I might give in eventually, but in this moment...

I win.

Cravings.

I am lying in bed next to the husband.  I touch his arm lightly.  I play with his hair.  I run my fingertips over his body.  I kiss his shoulder and chest lightly as my fingers find their way under his waistband and find their familiar plaything.  As I begin to play, he sighs and says those three little words so commonly spoken to me over the last fifteen years...

go to sleep

The Battle of Who Could Care Less

           Do you not hear me anymore?
           I know it's not your thing to care
           I know it's cool to be so bored       
          It sucks me in when you're aloof
          It sucks me in, it sucks it works
          I guess it's cool to be alone.
         

Ben is singing to me today. 

I am having a bit of a pity party. I just read Ms. I's beautiful a lifeguard chair, a glass of wine.  I want that.  I thought the Boss and I could have it.  We have been friends for a very long time. The Boss was going to get a room for us and we were going to spend the day playing.  I wait for him.  8am, 9am, 10am, 11am.  No word from the Boss.  I know what this means.  If he were a casual AM friend, I would shrug it off and not care but this his game. 

I text him.  Oops.  He worked late last night and forgot.  Shoot. He was really looking forward to it. 

I pretend it is okay, but it is not. He neglects me because he knows he can.  He has before.  He ignores me and then uses me when it suits him and I allow it.   Disappointment and regret have no place in an affair and therefore, it is time to move on from the Boss.  After many many years, it is time to call an end to this battle.

If at First You Don't Succeed...

The last time I had sex with the Boss was the first time I attempted anal with him.  I use the term "attempted" because like most of my sexual escapades, it was doomed from the start.  I had yet to be convinced that I would enjoy that particular sexual act so it was strictly forbidden.  However, I had been more and more receptive to the idea in the months leading up to this encounter.  The Boss and I discussed it and he was trying to hide his excitement as he played it off like it was no big deal.  Imagine my shock when I arrived at his apartment to find...nothing.  Well, very little.  He shrugged off my questions and said  he was giving his furniture to his son but I knew he was lying.  You don't give your son the pictures off your wall and even if you do give him your bed, you don't give him your sheets and blankets, too.  My mind was racing.  Why lie to me?  Why not admit he was moving?  Then it hit me...he was moving in with a woman.  Rather than tell me the truth and risk my rejection, he lied to me so I would have sex with him one last time.

I should have left him there with his hard-on and empty walls.  I wish I could say I told him to fuck off and that was the end of us, but you already know that isn't true.  I let him lead me upstairs to his empty room and lay me down on the outstretched blanket on his floor.  If I had not let him kiss me, I may have just left but if you read my last post you are aware that we have this crazy physical attraction.  Once he kisses me, it is over.  The next thing I knew I was on all fours and he was behind me trying his best to slowly but boldly go where no man had gone before.  My mind was racing still.  I couldn't stop thinking about the lie.  He knows I know he fucks other women.  I have only mentioned it once and that was only to ask if he uses protection with them every time.  He knows I am not jealous or spiteful.  Why lie TO ME? 

I could not relax.  Gentlemen, in case you don't know, anal sex is quite impossible, especially if it is her first time, if she is not relaxed. Even if you forge ahead, it will NOT be enjoyable.  He barely touched me with the tip when I made him stop.  The disappointment on his face was obvious.  He managed to pull himself together and fuck me anyway despite his great loss (yes, that's sarcasm).  He rushed me out the door and I felt so sick to my stomach.  I knew it was coming and then...

The phone chirped.  He sent me a text letting me know that we had just had our last fuck.  I knew in my heart he would be back (I was right) but I took the opportunity to vent (just a little) and let him know that I didn't appreciate being lied to and he should never contact me again.  I meant it at the time.  I just knew he would contact me again and boy was I going to tell him a few things...

Six months later I get a message from him.  He wants to chat (fuck me) and wants to know if I am mad.  I should have ignored him.  I answered back that I was hurt not mad and we began to flirt and banter like nothing happened.  In fact, although he has confirmed he is living with someone new, we have never discussed it.  I feel it is none of my business.

I did get a little satisfaction in telling him that since our last encounter, I have not only had anal sex, I enjoy it.   He has told me that it is unfair that someone else was first and he has thought about my ass every day since that attempt in his apartment.  I have enjoyed teasing him.  I have been teasing him now for a couple of months but I am a girl who likes to fuck so...

A scary story...

My phone chirps.  At first, I don't pay attention because all of my settings are set to sound the same.  It could be email or a facebook notification.  But it isn't.  I look down casually at my phone and see the following message...

"Tomorrow I sign my divorce decree."

It is the Boss.  It has been awhile since I have heard from him and instantly I feel my heart start to race.  I am beyond excited for him.

I worked for the Boss for a year before I met his wife.  I had heard stories about her from the other men at work.  If you think men don't gossip at work, you are mistaken.  She was insanely jealous and cruel.  She had a very suspect background (including some jail time) and honestly, I wanted no part of her.  I avoided talking about anything non-work related to him for a very long time.  There were examples of her irrational behavior over the years.  She pouted during a company party claiming he was flirting with another man's wife when he never even spoke with her.  He received calls from her at least five times a day.  It was strange behavior to me.  Then...

She cheated.

She left him and their children and moved in with someone else.  It was at this time, I became a friend to the boss.  I became a shoulder to cry on and a sounding board for his frustration.  I felt myself developing a crush on him and I am fairly certain he felt the same but we never acted on it.  Yet.

After months of this he took her back.  Everyone told him he was crazy.  His mother stopped speaking to him. His business partner told him it was a mistake.  I was crushed, but I was supportive.  I admit, I was beginning to have all of the silly fantasies that he would run off with me and we would live happily ever after...  I knew it was silly but still, when he took her back and forgave her, it made me like him more. What a great guy! (I know, it makes no sense) Then it happened.  He told me he wanted an affair with me.  He was blunt, honest, and let me know that it was just sex and no long term relationship.  And so it began...


"I hope you will celebrate with me."

I know what that means. He knows I will.  You see, there is a crazy physical attraction between us.  We laugh about it but it is true.   After the company  sold, we met a few more times then it happened.  His wife looked at the phone bill.  There were hundreds of texts between us.  My number appeared over and over and she knew.  She took the print out straight to my husband.  At work.  I was sick to my stomach and I knew my life was coming to an end.  It didn't.  By this time, my husband had heard all of the stories about her behavior as well.  She started sending me texts saying things like "You can have him, he is your's now."
I denied everything.  She had no real proof, she only knew we liked to text.  It was too late though.  She was certain and they were over.  I was terrified she would show up at my new job or my house.  I was so thankful we don't live in the same town.  I changed my number, fixed things at home, and stopped talking to the Boss.  For a little while anyway.

I tell him to enjoy the moment and he tells me "I will but not as much as I enjoy you."  I know this statement is true because I am a sure thing for him.  No need for flattery with me anymore.  It comes from him so sparingly that I am always taken by surprise when I hear it.  It is usually about how much he wants me or needs me.   

I could have handled things so much better. There are many mistakes we both made along the way and many opportunities to learn from my first affair. The Boss has taught me many things...trust my instincts, keep my emotions out of my affairs, and the most important being... never underestimate a crazy wife.
 

Feeling Funky

I apologize to my five readers.  :)  The following post is a little self indulgent and probably whiny. I am not sure what has brought about my change in mood lately.

 The fall is my favorite time of year.  I love the cooling air, the smell of leaves that have turned and fallen, the thought that a long winter is just around the corner.  I love it all.  It is also a busy time of year for me.  Parties, birthdays, and holidays compete for my attention and I rarely turn down an invitation. Keeping busy is keeping me from getting busy.
 
Although, there is not a lot to tell lately.  Don turned out to be a disappointment.  We set a time to meet and he cancelled.  We continued to chat but I noticed he was only available to me late at night and I started to slowly realize that we were probably never going to meet.  I think he is afraid to take that next step and that is fine, but I don't have the time to wait on him to get there.

The boss has not called or come around in awhile.  We are very hands-off these days and I am getting used to that dynamic between us.  I am here when he needs me and if I ever need him, I know he would come.

Then I started thinking...always dangerous, I admit, that perhaps, I should take a break from AM.  A break from the whole other life for awhile.  I am feeling lucky at this moment.  Lucky that I haven't been caught and lucky that I haven't hooked up with a creep who stalks me.  Just lucky.  Perhaps I should just stop and be happy with what I have. 

That's just it.  I am happy with what I have and that is why I have this whole other secret life.   So if it isn't happiness I am after, what is it?  Yes, a nice break from AM while I focus on me for awhile.

Hey, is that a new email in my AM box???

There is no crying in baseball...

The coach was going to be a fun diversion for me. He is a teacher and baseball coach. We had a lot to talk about. He was interesting and funny over email and texting so I agreed to meet with him. He wanted to meet after a game at a nearby bar and have a few drinks. I had very little time to meet so he suggested a hotel parking lot near the bar. I pulled in and he was waiting. He came over and got into my tiny 2 door car. He was in my usual early 40s range and he was attractive. He was also still in his baseball gear. Very hot. He asked if I had met anyone else this way. I gave him the usual...no, of course not. Maybe once. He starts kissing me and touches my breast. "Are these real?" he asks. I start to laugh. Yes, I have never been asked that before and I find it a little flattering. He bends over and awkwardly begins to suck my nipple. I reach down and feel his hardness. He pulls himself out and I gasp a little. He is not as long as the Pornstar but he has the widest cock I have ever seen. I am uncertain I can get mouth around it. Wow. I bend over the gearshift and start to suck him. It is uncomfortable to say the least. He is stretching my jaw to it's limit and while the gearshift is poking my rib cage he is pinching the hell out of my nipple. It hurts a lot. I have to mostly suck the tip and jerk him with my hand because his dick is just insane. He cums rather easily to my relief and then tells me not to touch him anymore. He gathers himself together and begins to sniffle. Wait, what? Are you crying? WTF? He tells me he always feels guilty after he cheats and he wishes he didn't. Wow. Alright then. He asks me if I feel guilty. I fight the urge to giggle as I tell him , "no, not really." he leaves my car and thanks me. I have a wicked bruise on my nipple. He texts me the next day to let me know that his "uncle" is sick and he will be gone for a few weeks. I get it. He actually contacted me a few times afterward to hook up again but the crying was too much. I have enough to think about without someone crying all over me. Why can't I find a nice normal regular hook-up?

The Boss kissed me very deeply and moved me toward the door.  He opened the door and continued kissing me as his hands wandered. He felt under my skirt and discovered that I had followed his directions and skipped the panties.  "Good girl."  He told me to get on the edge of the bed on my knees.  I listened like I always do.  He began to fuck me and as I relaxed and let myself go, I grabbed the comforter on the bed and squeezed it in my hands.  That bed was not in a hotel somewhere, it was in my
house.  My bed. My marital bed.

It has only happened one time and yet it is the one regret I have about my secret life.  I could always fool myself into thinking that while I might be a whore out there...in my house, I am still pure.  I am my husband's alone. If I could change anything about the things I have done, I would change that.  Four years later, I still think about it and it is the only guilt I carry with me.

 I almost think that The Boss knew I would feel that and fucked me here for spite.  Silly, of course.    Four years later he still wants to come over and fuck me on my bed.  He tells me that there is something about taking me in my house that turns him on.  The idea that he is fucking the woman of a much younger man on his own turf excites The Boss.  I have allowed him back twice.  Once, he came around to the back of my house and I sucked him hidden by the trees.  Another time, much more recently, he came by and I let him in the door.  He kissed me in the kitchen, the hall...I guided him to the living room and had him sit on the couch.  I allowed him to kiss me and rather than have him lead me to the bedroom, I took matters into my own hands...okay, it was my mouth.  It did the trick and distracted him from his intended goal.  He wanted my bed again but this whore  has her limits. 

Not with a bang, but a whimper...

Sometimes AM friends have such potential.  You chat and become friendly.  You meet and sparks fly.  You have amazing, breathtaking, passionate sex.  Then...he ruins it.  Sometimes it is with spectacularly bad writing such as "secret silky smile" but sometimes, the man ruins it by assuming too much.

Do you remember Mr. Flowers?  He is a man I met to help me get over my rejection from the Pilot.  He met me with flowers in hand and could not stop complimenting me.  It was quite overwhelming and the sex was pretty good.  I thought to myself, he could be a long term friend.  I thought wrong. 

Mr. Flowers wrote a very impressive profile.  He mentioned his desire to please a woman for hours and hours.  He talked about his interest in the Kama Sutra and if nothing else, I figured he could teach me something new.  When we met, he spoke about his desires to me and I was certainly on board.  When we had sex it was good.  It was really good.  But it was pretty tame and not the show he promised.  No worries, I am a stranger.  Next time will be better. 

Sigh.  Next time.  We met at the seediest motel I have ever seen.  I should have run.  He started off the same way.  He stripped naked while I undressed myself then he asked me for a blow job.  I obliged.  I asked for reciprocity.  He either ignored me or pretended he didn't hear me. Hmmm.  We had sex. We clean up. We lay down. As we are laying there in silence, he starts to touch my breasts and pinch my nipples.  I am getting aroused by this and he asks me to suck him again.  Umm, you were just getting started with me but ok.  I am a generous girl.  I go down and play around with my tongue.  Everything he asks of me I do.  I figure the time is right to ask him again.  Hello...I remember you mentioning something about giving me oral for four hours....just a fraction of that time will work for me...no???  Alright, then.  Maybe later?    Look buddy, if you don't like to give, you shouldn't make promises. 

I was on the fence about seeing him again as I got dressed but I thought, maybe this was just an off day...then the weirdness began.  First, he asked me to log into AM on my phone so he could see what his profile looks like.  Sure.  I do that and as he is looking over my shoulder (NOBODY TOUCHES MY PHONE) he tells me to click the boxes at the bottom to give him a positive review.  WTF???  Really???  I skipped over one and he told me to go back and click it.  Buddy, your window to my pussy is slowly closing.

Then he slams that window shut.  "I need to ask you a favor."  Sure.  Just don't ask me for a loan.  "I really want to have a threesome and I am hoping you know a woman, a friend, who would want to join us."  Really???  On the second fuck date you ask me this?  You couldn't pleasure me alone.  There is no way I am having a threesome with Captain Uninspired. 

Guys, we really want to fuck you or we wouldn't be on these sites.  Stop making it impossible for us.

Sabotage...

I have a new friend.  I will refer to him as Don.  He is a CEO of a local company and he messaged me recently.  His message was interesting and after a couple of AM exchanges, we moved the conversation to email.  Soon, we were chatting on Yahoo.  He is intelligent and funny.  He swears this is his first time on AM and I pretend to believe him.  He gets my strange and sometimes dry sense of humor and tells me that I am one of the few people who can make him laugh.  Things are going well.

We plan to meet in a week.  This is bad... a week is too long.  A week gives time for all of my self-doubt and fear to creep in.  Not fear that he will be nuts or I will get caught, but fear that it will be another "Pilot" situation.  No, I do not think that I will have another date ruined by my cycle, but I have a real fear of rejection.  A fear that no matter what he says to me, the reality will be a disappointment. 

He asks me for another picture.  I try to take one. Honest.  I am having a bad day and the fear is settling down for a long stay in my head.  Nothing looks good.  I try and try.  I get frustrated.  I cry.  I decide, I can't do this.  I can't handle rejection again so soon.  I need to end this with him now.

We chat and I explain my fear to him.  I tell him that I am afraid I will not measure up to the women he envisions in his head. 

Then, before I can sabotage myself, he says one sentence that changes everything for me.  One sentence that simultaneously lets me laugh at myself and realize I am being silly while realizing he is being as honest as he ever will with me.

"Not measure up?  No way, I am looking for pussy."

I laugh because I know he was trying to lighten the mood and remind me why we found each other.  But there it is...the moment of honesty that suggests anyone can fill this spot for him and there is nothing special about me.

Not sure how long this will last so I will crank up the Beastie Boys, relax, and enjoy the ride.

The Pilot Story

Ehh...I've put it off long enough.  The only reason I haven't told the Pilot story before now is that it is embarrassing.  However, since I am pretty sure no one is reading this blog anyway I may as well get it over with. 

I am occassionally a fan of cyber sex.  I can get into writing really trashy detailed anonymous sex with another anonymous stranger located far, far away with little to no chance of getting caught and no real trouble if I do.  Whenever I go on to the site I prefer, I am always bombarded with messages like "wanna cyber"  "do u cam?" "do you like young boys?" "do you like older men?" I ignore 99.9% of all messages received.  I can't explain why I choose to answer some and not others but I answered one message from a guy who was really interested in anal sex.

For whatever reason, we agreed to switch it over to Yahoo Messenger.   We chatted about all of the usual ways he would fuck me if he were here, blah, blah, blah.  I figured that was it.  The next day, I am logged in to Yahoo (no, not under my real name) and he messages me.  It is early in the morning and mercifully his conversation was respectful, intelligent, and funny.  We chatted again that evening.  He told me his name (nickname), his occupation (pilot), his location (deep south), and his hobbies and interests (same as mine).  I didn't believe he was a pilot so he sent me some pictures of him in uniform in the cockpit.  Very convincing.  Then he suggested that he can fly for free....

Suddenly this shit was getting real.  I never intended to meet anyone this way.  If I was going to meet him, (I saw the pics, he was hot!), then I needed to know everything I could about him.  We chatted on the phone, on the computer, and when he had to fly out to Paris (his usual trip) he would call me.  He loved the idea that he was going to fuck the ass of someone who looked "so innocent" and I loved how exotic he was.  When I expressed to him some nervousness at being so pale he said to me "my tan will look lovely pressed against you."  I think I melted.  Everything he told me was so smooth and charming.  I wanted to do dirty dirty things with him.

We set a date for a month out.  We chatted every morning and evening.  I told him once he was a good thing for me and he corrected me and said "no, I am a fun thing, not a good thing." Don't get me wrong, I had no delusions that he would leave his wife for my sweet ass.  This was going to be a one time only fuck. 

The day arrived.  I had to drive an hour to get to the nearest major airport.  We found a hotel that would let us check in early...It was 10:30am.  We got to the room.  He kissed me so sweetly but with command.  His hands reached down and lifted my skirt.  I had to tell him the truth.  You see, something aweful had happened to me that morning after he boarded his plane....

"I have to tell you something"  I said.  "You got your period?"  He really should play charades, that was impressive.  I sat down and started to cry.  I was so nervous, upset, pissed off...he told me almost with anger "I wish you had told me before I boarded the plane." Asshole.  It didn't happen until after he got on the plane.  He didn't care.  He let out a big sigh and said "well you can still blow me and I can fuck your ass."  Okay....compromise.  Good.

I gave him the best blowjob of my life (up to that point) and he came rather easily.  Afterward, he took a phone call then suggested we go for lunch.  I was too nervous and excited to eat so I made small talk while he had lunch.  We got back to the hotel and he told me his father, who lives overseas, had some medical tests and he wanted to call first and check in.  Hmmm, ok.  He gets off the phone and tells me the news is not good and he is really sorry but could I take him back to the airport.  Motherfucker.

After months and months of build-up he gets a blowjob and I get....nothing.  He sent me an email later telling me our timing just wasn't right and he wishes me the best.  He has not answered me when I have tried to message him.  Fortunately for him, I am not a crazy stalker so I only tried twice. 

I have a dilemma here...I regret getting to know him so well because I mistook his desire to get laid for friendship.  However, I would have never agreed to meet if I had not gotten to know him.  Kinda sucks.  The moral of this story???  I won't give any more rides to the airport. ;)

The Lies We Choose to Believe

He had been my boss for several years and my friend for just as long.  We worked very closely together and we shared a lot of details with each other... enough details to know how to get what we wanted from each other while pretending we were subtle.  He asked me to have an affair with him.  I said no.  That was the first of many lies I told myself during the next five years.

Our affair was a strange one.  It was probably 85% flirtation and conversation.  We debated everything, politics, education, religion.  He was an intellectual match for me on many levels.  That made the times he put his hands on me even more exciting. We spent the first year and half routinely waiting for the office to clear so I could suck his dick in the conference room. Once a week, I eagerly took him into my mouth and did the one thing I knew his wife wouldn't.  He became bolder as time went by.  A grope here, a kiss there. He was becoming reckless and I was a wreck. 

As his business began to fail, he began to demand more.  He made it clear he was going to fuck me.  He called the office one day and told me to remove my bra and panties because he was on the way there.  I obediently complied.  He arrived, locked up the office, took me into the conferece room, grabbed the back of my head and kissed me so deeply I couldn't breathe.  He roughly pushed me down onto my hands and knees and got behind me.  He raised my skirt and with no foreplay, no teasing, no subtle touch, he brutally fucked me.  I had wanted him for so long but never imagined he would be so rough with me.  He stood up and matter-of-factly told me he had to go and lock up.  My head was still spinning the next day when he sold the company.

We saw each other a few more times afterward until his wife finally figured it out.  It was not a good situation for either of us.  (a story for another time...)
I knew going in to this that it was just sex. Another lie I told myself...

He told a few lies too...

I will never leave my wife... he did.
If I do, I want to be with you...he didn't.
I am too busy to date other women....he found the time.
I am not moving in with her....he did.

I have told him to leave me alone and never speak to me again, but he knows just what to say to make me forget why I am so mad.  We continue on with whatever this is.  We steal an hour or two here or there.  Not very often anymore.

He most recently showed up in the middle of night.  We went outside and he grabbed me back the back of my hair and kissed me like he did that  time we had sex then told me he felt like he couldn't get enough of me.  That might be his sweetest lie yet.

What??? Too much?

When I was chatting away with the Pilot, he kept asking me what is my type.  I kept telling him I don't really have one.  Physically this is true. My husband is 6'4" tall.  More than a foot taller than me.  I love a big, tall guy to overpower me but it is not a requirement that he be tall, just taller than me. (by the way...if a man lists 5'8" on his profile, expect anywhere from 5'0 to 5'5")  I almost always prefer men between 40 and 50 years old even though I am in my 30s. However my current friend is younger than me.  My last three friends have been from Morroco and India, so country of origin is not a deciding factor either.

So if it isn't a physical type what is it???  I am an educated woman.  I earned my graduate degree and I do not reveal that to brag, just to let guys know that when I receive a note on AM or by email that says  "so, wanna fuck?"  I can feel my vagina close shop.  Seriously guys, I am risking a lot to talk to you.  I have a good marriage and great family and friends.  If I am going to take the risk and open up to you about my deepest desires and beg you to fulfill them, then the least you can do is write a proper note to me.  Something like this....the hottest message ever!

Riff's message would work for me on several levels.  First of all, he is articulate and uses complete sentences with proper grammar.  That alone gets me wet.  (see, I'm pretty easy!)  Secondly, he is cocky.  Not in a "douche bag asshole" way but by telling Linda that he thinks she is cute enough to fuck and not be a total waste of time is kind of flattering.  Think about it, he is telling her that he is hot enough to be picky about his partners and she makes the cut.  I would be curious enough to want to meet him and judge for myself.  Of course the sex chat is just steamy enough without going into creep territory or becoming a cheese fest.

My current friend, although a bit younger, has proven worthy of my attention because he writes to me in a similar style.  I am not as hard core as Linda, but I am willing to try a few things with the right person.  See guys, my standards aren't too high and I am not difficult to please.  You are asking a woman to enter into a relationship of sorts built upon lies, deception, and secrecy yet we have to trust you.  Crazy right?  The best way to earn that trust with me is to take a moment, write a proper greeting, and let me know you are interested.  I can overlook height, weight, and physical appearance if I am already turned on by your words...for a evening anyway.

Bigger is not Always Better

So...I have been chatting with this guy I like to call Pornstar (for several reasons) while being bored by the Cop. Pornstar was smart, witty, funny, and very sexual.  His texts could make me blush.  The things he wanted to do were both dangerous and exciting.  After we finally agreed to meet, the terms were set...I had one hour to meet him.  He got a hotel room and began texting me to be sure I would not back out.  And we have red flag #1. Why do women not show up for him I wondered?  I arrived at the door and he opened it and greeted me completely naked.  Normally I would run when confronted by a naked stranger at the door but he actually warned me he would be naked when I arrived. Red flag #2.  Yes, he warned me but still....

Before I could say hello his tongue was deep in my mouth and his hands were stripping me of my clothes.  Even so, I couldn't help but notice he was rather excited to see me.  I have to be honest, I have not seen a lot of dicks at this point in my life but I have only seen them as impressive as his in porn.  I was really excited.  Then he put his hands on my shoulders and gave me a gentle nudge that translates into "on your knees, bitch."  Suddenly, I started to worry...how am I going to suck the whole thing?  Oh well...I am certainly not one to back down from a challenge so I started to lick him all the way down before slipping him between my lips and sucking as much as I could.  He seemed to appreciate my efforts.

Before long, he pulled me up off my knees and positioned me on the edge of the bed.  His tongue against my clit was so strong I thought he was using a finger at first.  I went completely numb in one leg and couldn't catch my breathe.  In fact, I am pretty sure I saw stars.  I made him stop so I could catch my breath and as soon as I did he went back to work on me.  It was so intense that I had the perfectly normal reaction of bursting into laughter.  Finally, he stopped, slipped on a condom, and began fucking me.  There was no soft, sweet, romantic sex from him-just merciless, pounding, rough sex.  And I loved it.  I will admit, he was so large it was uncomfortable at times, but I am no quitter.. 

He asked if he could take a picture.  RED ALERT!  Ummm, hell no.  Next time,
he said.  Yeah, sure. 

Then he flipped me on my belly and asked if he could have my ass.  I had told him prior to our meeting that I was open to anal, but seeing his size in person had me really nervous.  What the hell, right?  He positioned on my side (as seen in porn) and fucked my ass like a pro.  That was my very first orgasm from anal and I was loving it.  He removed the condom and asked if he could have my lips on him again.  He grabbed my hair and fucked my mouth until he he came. 

When he finished, we looked at the clock...one hour to the minute.  Damn. 

Did I see Pornstar again???  Let's break it down:

                Pros
Intense orgasm from oral....yes
Intense orgasm from anal....yes

                 Cons
A little desperate
A little too big  (come on, I think his cock bruised my ribs)
A little too interested in creating a Kodak moment
***He found me on Facebook and sent me a friend request***

The last one happened just after our meeting and pretty much killed any future consideration.  Overall, he was a fantastic one-time only fuck, but not quite right for me.  Oh well...on to bigger (God I hope not) and better things...

But I Digress...

I was just about to describe in detail the rest of my very fruitful afternoon with "Mr. Flowers" when it occured to me that perhaps, I should go back to the beginning and talk about my first two AM experiences, Cop and Pornstar.  When I made the decision to join Ashley Madison I wasn't sure what to expect.  I did get an inbox full of flattering, disgusting,  and unique messages.  I finally settled on two and sent them both a message to see what would happen.  Both responded back and before I knew it, I was chatting with both.

The first guy, the Cop, sent me pictures of himself (in uniform even!) and a cell number for me to text.  This number was nothing like local numbers for the area he was from and I immediately thought MISCHIEF PHONE! He reads Riff Dog!   (He didn't and it was his "criminal phone")  We met one morning and he drove around for nearly an hour looking for a good place for us to park.  This is the problem with a cop...every spot looked too suspicious or too open.  Finally, he pulled into a car wash.  We began kissing like high school kids and all of my nervousness and fear was replaced with excitement.  He was an amazing kisser.  He took control and knew what he was doing.  Our hands were all over each other and as I rubbed him over his jeans I could feel his rock hard cock dying to be let out.  It was like high school but without the fear of being labeled a slut.

I happily helped him out of his little prison (keeping with the law and order theme) and without wasting a second, my mouth was on him.  I was swirling my tongue around the tip and sucking him as deep as I could manage given the limitations of his clothes and our space.  He was so sweet but he didn't last very long.  "I am going to cum." he whispered to me.  I gave a thumbs up and didn't stop.  He warned me again.  Ummm, ok.  Finally, he exploded into my mouth and I happily swallowed every last drop.  I am pretty sure it had been awhile for him as he kept thanking me as he drove me back to my car.  Honestly guys, thanking a girl once is more than sufficient.  More than that and it becomes awkward and pathetic.

In the end, I saw the Cop one more time.  This time, we ended up fucking on his living room floor but he couldn't finish the deal.  (ran out of law and order themed metaphors) Between my nervousness of being in his house (I will never do that again!) and his confession that it had been 8 months since he  last had sex as he apologized profusely, I knew I couldn't see him again.  I joined AM to have fun and this guy, while nice, was a downer.

Thank goodness I had the Pornstar on deck....

Great Expectations

When I am meeting someone new there is always a build-up of emotion leading to that first hook-up.  I  think about my expectations in terms of the man I am meeting...will I be pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, sexy enough? Will he like my body or think I am too big?  Will I be comfortable enough to relax with him?  So many questions running through my mind.  I worry that he won't enjoy the experience and therefore I talk myself into disappointment before I meet anyone. 

My expectations are always less than great. 

Imagine my surprise when he brought me flowers.  Honestly, my first thought was "how am I going to explain this to the husband?"  Then I realized that I have only received flowers on three occasions from my husband...twice for birthing his children and once when he called me a fucking bitch in public.  I smiled and relaxed a little.  Flowers were a pleasant surprise.

I always wonder in my head if I will be able to tell if he really likes me or if I am just a Brenda situation waiting to happen.  Not that I would mind a pity fuck from a tall handsome stranger, I just don't think I would want to know.  I am not sexy.  I have come to terms with that and I am okay with it.  Whenever a man sees my photo I get the same response... you are so cute.  CUTE.  INNOCENT.  SWEET.  Not the typical girl who likes to be fucked in the ass.  Hard.  It is rare that a man responds the way he did.  He is calling me beautiful and making me think he means it.

He says he wanted to take me to a nice restaurant for our first meeting but I could only get away in the morning so our options were limited.  We managed to find a public place that afforded us privacy. We talked for hours and repeatedly he kept telling me how beautiful I was and how lucky he felt in that moment.  Initially embarrassed by the attention, I slowly began to think about his expectations.  This poor sweet man has been a paying member of AM for two years and has had two relationships.  Both brief and ending amicably in similar ways.  He has been contacted by women who insisted on trips to Las Vegas and cruises before even meeting him in person. Many of the contacts he receives are little more than women looking for a payday.  My profile explicitly states that I do not want anything from my  friends other than a physical relationship.  He said it was what caught his attention. 

Before lunch time I was sitting on the edge of a bed in a little hotel room being undressed by my stranger as his tongue worked its way from my face and neck to my chest.  So much kissing.  How could I not reward him?  I slid onto the floor before him and began to suck his still soft cock until it grew firm and long in my mouth.  Deeper and deeper. I could tell he liked it from his soft moans and then he grabbed the back of my head and began pushing his dick deeper into my throat.  In the softest voice I heard him ask "where would you like me to cum?"  I have never been asked that before.  At first I wasn't sure what to say so I told him, "wherever you like."  He put his hands in my hair and unloaded so much into my mouth I wasn't sure I could swallow it all....but I did.  I kept on sucking until I had every last drop of him and his firmness was gone.  I kissed around his thighs and he said to me "give me five minutes and I will fuck you on the bed."

My expectations are exceeded.

Here Goes Everything...

I have been thinking about beginning this blog for some time.  There are a million reasons why I shouldn't do it... why tell strangers about my infidelities, desires, rejections, and humilitations? What if my husband finds out?  Yet, here I am.  Anticipation is the reason I keep doing it.   I will never leave my husband and I never want him to know about this other me, but when I feel the anticipation of a new lover, I am a better wife in many ways.

I decided to join Ashley Madison this summer after reading Riff Dog's many exploits. Still not sure if I should thank him or curse him...  Anyway, after a few bad experiences that I may someday share when my anger and humiliation begin to fade,  I was messing around on an adult chat site thinking it would be more anonymous and less likely to lead to "trouble."  Then I met him.  You know the one ladies...everything about him was right.  He was articulate, mature but not too old, and knew exactly what he wanted.  He had me from the minute we agreed to chat.  We discussed everything and nothing was off limits.  He talked about meeting me and since I was half a country away I figured I was safe.  Then came the bombshell...my super hot chat friend was a pilot.  (Yeah, sure he is...) He gave me proof.
The date was set and we were going to meet and fuck like two sex starved maniacs.  It was all we discussed for months.  Every conversation delved into the ways we were going to devour each other.  Every conversation building and building our desire to be consumed by each other.  We talked on the phone when we could get away with it (did I mention he had a French accent too?)  I was so addicted to this stranger.  He was the first and last person I chatted with on a daily basis.  My dreams were overrun with thoughts of my hot French-speaking pilot.  There were no expectations beyond the one day.  In fact, we specifically and repeatedly reminded each other that this was just a fun, one-time fuck-a-palooza.  And every day the anticipation of communicating with my sweet pilot was an all-consuming obsession.

 Maybe the anticipation of our meeting was dooming it from the start.  Maybe, if he had not written to me so sweetly and  did not really get to know me as a person.  Maybe, if things had turned out better, I wouldn't be mourning him like a friend or relation lost to me forever but here I am going down on another stranger and wishing it was my pilot.  My super sweet pilot who will not write to me anymore.

 Anticipation is the drug that keeps me coming back for more.