A scary story...

My phone chirps.  At first, I don't pay attention because all of my settings are set to sound the same.  It could be email or a facebook notification.  But it isn't.  I look down casually at my phone and see the following message...

"Tomorrow I sign my divorce decree."

It is the Boss.  It has been awhile since I have heard from him and instantly I feel my heart start to race.  I am beyond excited for him.

I worked for the Boss for a year before I met his wife.  I had heard stories about her from the other men at work.  If you think men don't gossip at work, you are mistaken.  She was insanely jealous and cruel.  She had a very suspect background (including some jail time) and honestly, I wanted no part of her.  I avoided talking about anything non-work related to him for a very long time.  There were examples of her irrational behavior over the years.  She pouted during a company party claiming he was flirting with another man's wife when he never even spoke with her.  He received calls from her at least five times a day.  It was strange behavior to me.  Then...

She cheated.

She left him and their children and moved in with someone else.  It was at this time, I became a friend to the boss.  I became a shoulder to cry on and a sounding board for his frustration.  I felt myself developing a crush on him and I am fairly certain he felt the same but we never acted on it.  Yet.

After months of this he took her back.  Everyone told him he was crazy.  His mother stopped speaking to him. His business partner told him it was a mistake.  I was crushed, but I was supportive.  I admit, I was beginning to have all of the silly fantasies that he would run off with me and we would live happily ever after...  I knew it was silly but still, when he took her back and forgave her, it made me like him more. What a great guy! (I know, it makes no sense) Then it happened.  He told me he wanted an affair with me.  He was blunt, honest, and let me know that it was just sex and no long term relationship.  And so it began...


"I hope you will celebrate with me."

I know what that means. He knows I will.  You see, there is a crazy physical attraction between us.  We laugh about it but it is true.   After the company  sold, we met a few more times then it happened.  His wife looked at the phone bill.  There were hundreds of texts between us.  My number appeared over and over and she knew.  She took the print out straight to my husband.  At work.  I was sick to my stomach and I knew my life was coming to an end.  It didn't.  By this time, my husband had heard all of the stories about her behavior as well.  She started sending me texts saying things like "You can have him, he is your's now."
I denied everything.  She had no real proof, she only knew we liked to text.  It was too late though.  She was certain and they were over.  I was terrified she would show up at my new job or my house.  I was so thankful we don't live in the same town.  I changed my number, fixed things at home, and stopped talking to the Boss.  For a little while anyway.

I tell him to enjoy the moment and he tells me "I will but not as much as I enjoy you."  I know this statement is true because I am a sure thing for him.  No need for flattery with me anymore.  It comes from him so sparingly that I am always taken by surprise when I hear it.  It is usually about how much he wants me or needs me.   

I could have handled things so much better. There are many mistakes we both made along the way and many opportunities to learn from my first affair. The Boss has taught me many things...trust my instincts, keep my emotions out of my affairs, and the most important being... never underestimate a crazy wife.
 

Feeling Funky

I apologize to my five readers.  :)  The following post is a little self indulgent and probably whiny. I am not sure what has brought about my change in mood lately.

 The fall is my favorite time of year.  I love the cooling air, the smell of leaves that have turned and fallen, the thought that a long winter is just around the corner.  I love it all.  It is also a busy time of year for me.  Parties, birthdays, and holidays compete for my attention and I rarely turn down an invitation. Keeping busy is keeping me from getting busy.
 
Although, there is not a lot to tell lately.  Don turned out to be a disappointment.  We set a time to meet and he cancelled.  We continued to chat but I noticed he was only available to me late at night and I started to slowly realize that we were probably never going to meet.  I think he is afraid to take that next step and that is fine, but I don't have the time to wait on him to get there.

The boss has not called or come around in awhile.  We are very hands-off these days and I am getting used to that dynamic between us.  I am here when he needs me and if I ever need him, I know he would come.

Then I started thinking...always dangerous, I admit, that perhaps, I should take a break from AM.  A break from the whole other life for awhile.  I am feeling lucky at this moment.  Lucky that I haven't been caught and lucky that I haven't hooked up with a creep who stalks me.  Just lucky.  Perhaps I should just stop and be happy with what I have. 

That's just it.  I am happy with what I have and that is why I have this whole other secret life.   So if it isn't happiness I am after, what is it?  Yes, a nice break from AM while I focus on me for awhile.

Hey, is that a new email in my AM box???

There is no crying in baseball...

The coach was going to be a fun diversion for me. He is a teacher and baseball coach. We had a lot to talk about. He was interesting and funny over email and texting so I agreed to meet with him. He wanted to meet after a game at a nearby bar and have a few drinks. I had very little time to meet so he suggested a hotel parking lot near the bar. I pulled in and he was waiting. He came over and got into my tiny 2 door car. He was in my usual early 40s range and he was attractive. He was also still in his baseball gear. Very hot. He asked if I had met anyone else this way. I gave him the usual...no, of course not. Maybe once. He starts kissing me and touches my breast. "Are these real?" he asks. I start to laugh. Yes, I have never been asked that before and I find it a little flattering. He bends over and awkwardly begins to suck my nipple. I reach down and feel his hardness. He pulls himself out and I gasp a little. He is not as long as the Pornstar but he has the widest cock I have ever seen. I am uncertain I can get mouth around it. Wow. I bend over the gearshift and start to suck him. It is uncomfortable to say the least. He is stretching my jaw to it's limit and while the gearshift is poking my rib cage he is pinching the hell out of my nipple. It hurts a lot. I have to mostly suck the tip and jerk him with my hand because his dick is just insane. He cums rather easily to my relief and then tells me not to touch him anymore. He gathers himself together and begins to sniffle. Wait, what? Are you crying? WTF? He tells me he always feels guilty after he cheats and he wishes he didn't. Wow. Alright then. He asks me if I feel guilty. I fight the urge to giggle as I tell him , "no, not really." he leaves my car and thanks me. I have a wicked bruise on my nipple. He texts me the next day to let me know that his "uncle" is sick and he will be gone for a few weeks. I get it. He actually contacted me a few times afterward to hook up again but the crying was too much. I have enough to think about without someone crying all over me. Why can't I find a nice normal regular hook-up?

The Boss kissed me very deeply and moved me toward the door.  He opened the door and continued kissing me as his hands wandered. He felt under my skirt and discovered that I had followed his directions and skipped the panties.  "Good girl."  He told me to get on the edge of the bed on my knees.  I listened like I always do.  He began to fuck me and as I relaxed and let myself go, I grabbed the comforter on the bed and squeezed it in my hands.  That bed was not in a hotel somewhere, it was in my
house.  My bed. My marital bed.

It has only happened one time and yet it is the one regret I have about my secret life.  I could always fool myself into thinking that while I might be a whore out there...in my house, I am still pure.  I am my husband's alone. If I could change anything about the things I have done, I would change that.  Four years later, I still think about it and it is the only guilt I carry with me.

 I almost think that The Boss knew I would feel that and fucked me here for spite.  Silly, of course.    Four years later he still wants to come over and fuck me on my bed.  He tells me that there is something about taking me in my house that turns him on.  The idea that he is fucking the woman of a much younger man on his own turf excites The Boss.  I have allowed him back twice.  Once, he came around to the back of my house and I sucked him hidden by the trees.  Another time, much more recently, he came by and I let him in the door.  He kissed me in the kitchen, the hall...I guided him to the living room and had him sit on the couch.  I allowed him to kiss me and rather than have him lead me to the bedroom, I took matters into my own hands...okay, it was my mouth.  It did the trick and distracted him from his intended goal.  He wanted my bed again but this whore  has her limits. 

Not with a bang, but a whimper...

Sometimes AM friends have such potential.  You chat and become friendly.  You meet and sparks fly.  You have amazing, breathtaking, passionate sex.  Then...he ruins it.  Sometimes it is with spectacularly bad writing such as "secret silky smile" but sometimes, the man ruins it by assuming too much.

Do you remember Mr. Flowers?  He is a man I met to help me get over my rejection from the Pilot.  He met me with flowers in hand and could not stop complimenting me.  It was quite overwhelming and the sex was pretty good.  I thought to myself, he could be a long term friend.  I thought wrong. 

Mr. Flowers wrote a very impressive profile.  He mentioned his desire to please a woman for hours and hours.  He talked about his interest in the Kama Sutra and if nothing else, I figured he could teach me something new.  When we met, he spoke about his desires to me and I was certainly on board.  When we had sex it was good.  It was really good.  But it was pretty tame and not the show he promised.  No worries, I am a stranger.  Next time will be better. 

Sigh.  Next time.  We met at the seediest motel I have ever seen.  I should have run.  He started off the same way.  He stripped naked while I undressed myself then he asked me for a blow job.  I obliged.  I asked for reciprocity.  He either ignored me or pretended he didn't hear me. Hmmm.  We had sex. We clean up. We lay down. As we are laying there in silence, he starts to touch my breasts and pinch my nipples.  I am getting aroused by this and he asks me to suck him again.  Umm, you were just getting started with me but ok.  I am a generous girl.  I go down and play around with my tongue.  Everything he asks of me I do.  I figure the time is right to ask him again.  Hello...I remember you mentioning something about giving me oral for four hours....just a fraction of that time will work for me...no???  Alright, then.  Maybe later?    Look buddy, if you don't like to give, you shouldn't make promises. 

I was on the fence about seeing him again as I got dressed but I thought, maybe this was just an off day...then the weirdness began.  First, he asked me to log into AM on my phone so he could see what his profile looks like.  Sure.  I do that and as he is looking over my shoulder (NOBODY TOUCHES MY PHONE) he tells me to click the boxes at the bottom to give him a positive review.  WTF???  Really???  I skipped over one and he told me to go back and click it.  Buddy, your window to my pussy is slowly closing.

Then he slams that window shut.  "I need to ask you a favor."  Sure.  Just don't ask me for a loan.  "I really want to have a threesome and I am hoping you know a woman, a friend, who would want to join us."  Really???  On the second fuck date you ask me this?  You couldn't pleasure me alone.  There is no way I am having a threesome with Captain Uninspired. 

Guys, we really want to fuck you or we wouldn't be on these sites.  Stop making it impossible for us.

Sabotage...

I have a new friend.  I will refer to him as Don.  He is a CEO of a local company and he messaged me recently.  His message was interesting and after a couple of AM exchanges, we moved the conversation to email.  Soon, we were chatting on Yahoo.  He is intelligent and funny.  He swears this is his first time on AM and I pretend to believe him.  He gets my strange and sometimes dry sense of humor and tells me that I am one of the few people who can make him laugh.  Things are going well.

We plan to meet in a week.  This is bad... a week is too long.  A week gives time for all of my self-doubt and fear to creep in.  Not fear that he will be nuts or I will get caught, but fear that it will be another "Pilot" situation.  No, I do not think that I will have another date ruined by my cycle, but I have a real fear of rejection.  A fear that no matter what he says to me, the reality will be a disappointment. 

He asks me for another picture.  I try to take one. Honest.  I am having a bad day and the fear is settling down for a long stay in my head.  Nothing looks good.  I try and try.  I get frustrated.  I cry.  I decide, I can't do this.  I can't handle rejection again so soon.  I need to end this with him now.

We chat and I explain my fear to him.  I tell him that I am afraid I will not measure up to the women he envisions in his head. 

Then, before I can sabotage myself, he says one sentence that changes everything for me.  One sentence that simultaneously lets me laugh at myself and realize I am being silly while realizing he is being as honest as he ever will with me.

"Not measure up?  No way, I am looking for pussy."

I laugh because I know he was trying to lighten the mood and remind me why we found each other.  But there it is...the moment of honesty that suggests anyone can fill this spot for him and there is nothing special about me.

Not sure how long this will last so I will crank up the Beastie Boys, relax, and enjoy the ride.